Post A Joke - YourDailyMedia.com



Movies ⁷⁵²⁵ Pictures ²⁰³³ Games ²⁹⁰ Animations ¹³³ Links ⁴⁷³ Other ⁷⁸ Music ⁸⁰


Menu
.: YDM TV .: Media Index .: Submit Stuff .: Help .: RSS Feeds .: Contact .: Bookmark Us

Search
.: Lucky Dip! ^New

Friends
.: Insane Sick Videos .: PandaChute .: Gorillamask .: Super Webcam Girls .: Extreme Vids .: Funny Videos .: Hot Crazy Videos .: Hilarious Videos .: Skoften.net .: Holy Lemon .: Crazy Ape Dump .: Funny Video Clips .: Hot Funny Videos .: Pugorama .: Fun Videos .: SpikedHumor.com .: Top 200 Referrers .: Get Listed Here

Popular Videos
.: Hilarious Frozen Lake.. .: What You Didn't See I.. .: Bathroom Prank .: Girl Can't Handle The.. .: Painting Mona Lisa In.. .: Parking Problem .: Fighter Gets A Beatin.. .: Driver Drifts Into Sp.. .: Molotov Cocktail Vs I.. .: One Lucky Skater .: Futurama! .: Kite Surfer Slams Int.. .: Bringing Down the Bou.. .: Kid Falls Over The Ho.. .: Failed Motorbike Stun.. .: Blending In

Comments
.: 22:34 \| Horse Is Fed Up .. .: 22:30 \| Dad? .: 21:02 \| Horse Is Fed Up .. .: 20:53 \| Futurama! .: 17:39 \| Dirt Bike Facepl.. .: 17:37 \| Security Guard F.. .: 17:33 \| Horse Is Fed Up .. .: 15:14 \| Futurama! .: 14:49 \| Horse Is Fed Up .. .: 14:47 \| 2 Skaters Collide .: Latest 50 Comments .: Most Commented

Post A Joke

Right, let’s have a laugh today and tell a few jokes. I'll start.
Husband and wife go on their 25th wedding anniversary to the same place they went on their honeymoon. She comes out of the shower wearing a towel and asks, "What did you think of me 25 years ago?" he replies, "I clearly remember wanting to screw your brains out and suck your t_ts dry" and she says, "and what do you think now?"

"I did a bloody good job!!!"

Posted by: Scottjpw on the 09th 2006f November 2006 | Comments: (87) |

scottjpw Posts: 775	Posted by: scottjpw on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 09:57
	Whats the similarity between George Micheal and Richard Hammond? Both got skid marks on their helmets. What's the similarity between Richard Hammond and Kate Moss? They both got fucked on Top Gear... He's alright now so I think it's ok to joke about it.

RobYDMfa.. Posts: 2374	Posted by: RobYDMfan on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 10:13
	lol skid marks btw did they release the actual video of the crash ? now that hes fine it should be ok right ? **** Three convicts escape from prison. They make it to a nearby town but are confonted by a policeman. "Hey, aren't you those three escaped convicts?", asked the policeman. Thinking on his feet the first convict looked around him and said "no, I'm Mark, Mark Spencer", "The second followed his leda and said "My names is William, W H Smith". The third said "My name is Ken.....TuckyFriedChicken"

herbtree Posts: 2564	Posted by: herbtree on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 10:34
	A black dude with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar. Bar man says; ''Thats amazing, where did ya get that from?'' Parrot replies; ''Africa, there's loads of 'em there...!''

4thseal

Posts: 456

Posted by: 4thseal on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 10:46

Quote:

On 09-11-06 16:34 herbtree wrote:
A black dude with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar.
Bar man says;
''Thats amazing, where did ya get that from?''
Parrot replies;
''Africa, there's loads of 'em there...!''

I can see where this is going already

RobYDMfa.. Posts: 2374	Posted by: RobYDMfan on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 10:56
	LOL

herbtree Posts: 2564	Posted by: herbtree on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 10:56
	An Englishman, Irishman and Scottsman walk into a bar, barman says; ''What's this? Some kind of fucking joke?!!''

BananaMo..

Posts: 156

Posted by: BananaMonkey on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 11:04

Quote:

lolol, wtf, that is just soooo wrong.

metalmor.. Posts: 12	Posted by: metalmorgan on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 11:06
	This is an old one but aren't they all? An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar an the bartender says "What is this?!!! Some kind of Joke!?"

RobYDMfa.. Posts: 2374	Posted by: RobYDMfan on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 11:12
	i copied this one: The AL GORE virus: causes your computer to just keep counting. The CLINTON virus: gives you a 7-inch hard drive with NO memory. The BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus: makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy. The LEWINSKY virus: sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e- mails everyone about what it did. The RONALD REAGAN virus: saves your data, but forgets where it is stored. The JESSE JACKSON virus: warns you constantly about illegitimate file reproduction, while illegitimately reproducing files in the background. The MIKE TYSON virus: quits after two bytes. The OPRAH WINFREY virus: your 300 MB hard drive shrinks to 100 MB, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200 MB. The JACK KEVORKIAN virus: deletes all old files. The PROZAC virus: totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care. The JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus: only attacks minor files. The ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus: terminates some files, leaves, but will be back. and last but not least ... The LORENA BOBBITT virus: reformats your hard drive into a 3.5-inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.

maggie2c Posts: 573	Posted by: maggie2c on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 11:13
	Sooo...hmm...well...there's these 2 muffins in an oven. They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked. And one of them yells "God Damn, it's hot in here!" And the other muffin replies "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!!!

herbtree

Posts: 2564

Posted by: herbtree on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 11:19

Quote:

On 09-11-06 17:06 metalmorgan wrote:
This is an old one but aren't they all?

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar an the bartender says "What is this?!!!
Some kind of Joke!?"

Fucking retard.
Read the other comments idiot.

RobYDMfa.. Posts: 2374	Posted by: RobYDMfan on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 11:26
	A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. "Only a shilling?" said the man. "Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury 20 more of them." copied

herbtree Posts: 2564	Posted by: herbtree on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 11:32
	What's difference between a vauxhal corsa and a dead prostitute? You wont find a vauxhal corsa in my garage.

RobYDMfa.. Posts: 2374	Posted by: RobYDMfan on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 11:41
	^ LOL and i think metalmorgan meant it in some kind of insult ?? A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. "Only a shilling?" said the man. "Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury 20 more of them." copied

herbtree Posts: 2564	Posted by: herbtree on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 11:44
	A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. "Only a shilling?" said the man. "Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury 20 more of them."

Shaft Posts: 721	Posted by: Shaft on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 11:48
	3 religious missionarys are walking through the jungle in some tribal rain froest nation. A Catholic priest, a Jewish Rabbi and a Buddist. They decide to stop for the night and set up camp in the jungle. As they wake up they realize that they are surrounded by about 20 men in loincloths pointing spears at them. Out of the jungle walks a big native with a massive feather headress that the men tell each other must be the cheif. He walks up to the men and tells them that they have trespassed on sacred ground and have 2 choices: Death or Unga Bunga. The Jewish rabbi says "Well I am not yet ready to die and my flock needs me to guide them still, I still have work to do here on Earth so I choose Unga Bunga." The 20 men with spears then drop their weapons, grab him, and start raping him in every single hole that he has on his body. They even double stuff his ass and do sexual things to him that no one should have to endure, 4 dicks in the mouth, 2 in the ear, that sort of thing. After they have raped him to near death they throw his body in the bushes, still alive but only barely breathing with man-spooge all over him. The Catholic preist says "Well as horrible as Unga Bunga is I have not finished my work either, and I do have some experience with this sort of thing so I suppose it will be Unga Bunga for me too." Well it is the same thing again with the Priest, he gets fucked in every possible way and has his O-ring blown out, then he is tossed still barely alive into the bushes. The Buddist looks at the Chief and says "Well I have reached inner peace and I have no earthly bonds to this world, I choose death." The Chief looks the Buddist in the eye and says: "Very well...Death, by Unga Bunga!!!"

herbtree Posts: 2564	Posted by: herbtree on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 11:54
	Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? A pizza doesnt scream when put in the oven.

blackbur.. Posts: 1	Posted by: blackburn on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 11:58
	paddy hurts his legs and rings murphy up for some help murphy goes round to see how he can help paddy asks can you go upstairs and get my slippers so murphy goes upstairs opens the bedroom door and paddys two 18 year old daughters are sat there what do you want they said your dad sent me up to have sex with both of you your lyin said the girls ok then listen murphy shouts down and says paddy both of them he shouts up course whats the use in fuckin one of them

mr_wiffl.. Posts: 98	Posted by: mr_wiffle on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 12:00
	q: what do you say to a woman with two black eyes?!? a: nothing...ya' done told the bitch twice already.

RobYDMfa..

Posts: 2374

Posted by: RobYDMfan on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 12:10

Quote:

On 09-11-06 17:48 Shaft wrote:
3 religious missionarys are walking through the jungle in some tribal rain froest nation. A Catholic priest, a Jewish Rabbi and a Buddist. They decide to stop for the night and set up camp in the jungle. As they wake up they realize that they are surrounded by about 20 men in loincloths pointing spears at them.

Out of the jungle walks a big native with a massive feather headress that the men tell each other must be the cheif. He walks up to the men and tells them that they have trespassed on sacred ground and have 2 choices: Death or Unga Bunga.

The Jewish rabbi says "Well I am not yet ready to die and my flock needs me to guide them still, I still have work to do here on Earth so I choose Unga Bunga."

The 20 men with spears then drop their weapons, grab him, and start raping him in every single hole that he has on his body. They even double stuff his ass and do sexual things to him that no one should have to endure, 4 dicks in the mouth, 2 in the ear, that sort of thing.
After they have raped him to near death they throw his body in the bushes, still alive but only barely breathing with man-spooge all over him.

The Catholic preist says "Well as horrible as Unga Bunga is I have not finished my work either, and I do have some experience with this sort of thing so I suppose it will be Unga Bunga for me too."

Well it is the same thing again with the Priest, he gets fucked in every possible way and has his O-ring blown out, then he is tossed still barely alive into the bushes.

The Buddist looks at the Chief and says "Well I have reached inner peace and I have no earthly bonds to this world, I choose death."

The Chief looks the Buddist in the eye and says: "Very well...Death, by Unga Bunga!!!"

LMAO !!!!

H_TOWN_M.. Posts: 6274	Posted by: H_TOWN_MEX on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 12:49
	A MEXICAN AND A BLACK PERSON BOTH FALL OFF A BUILDING, WHO HITS FIRST? .....................................WHO CARES WHY DONT YOU THROW A ROCK AT A MEXICAN ON A BIKE? BECAUSE ITS PROBABLY YOUR BIKE. WHAT DID THE MEXICAN DO WITH HIS FIRST 50 CENT PIECE? HE MARRIED HER. WHY DOES A MEXICAN RE-FRY BEANS? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MEXICAN DO ANYTHING RIGHT THE FIRST TIME WHY DOES A MEXICAN EAT TAMALES ON CHRISTMAS...? SO THEY HAVE SOMETHING TO UNWRAP

RobYDMfa.. Posts: 2374	Posted by: RobYDMfan on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 12:56
	^ LOL What's long and hard that a Greek bride gets on her wedding night? A new last name! jk

4thseal Posts: 456	Posted by: 4thseal on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 12:58
	Q: A Mexican and a black guy are in a car. Who's driving? A: The Police officer Not the newest, but damn it gets me everytime

RobYDMfa.. Posts: 2374	Posted by: RobYDMfan on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 13:06
	again ^ LOL!! What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Philippe Phillop!

SNOWY

Posts: 2275

Posted by: SNOWY on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 13:08

Quote:

BWT HAHAHAHAH

HAHAHA

NICE

H_TOWN_M.. Posts: 6274	Posted by: H_TOWN_MEX on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 13:15
	4020th POST!!!!!!!!!!!

SimonL Posts: 2525	Posted by: SimonL on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 13:49
	A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says "why the long face"?

cyclepat.. Posts: 309	Posted by: cyclepath on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 13:53
	A guy sitting at a bar leans over drunkenly to the stranger sitting next to him and says "See that shot glass sitting on the end of the bar?, I bet you 100 dollars I can stand on this barstool, you can spin me around and I can piss and get every drop into the shot glass...." The other drunken guy says that's a bet..... The guy then gets up on the stool, drops his pants, gets the guy to spin him, and starts to piss..... The piss goes everywhere,, all over the bar, all over the floor and all over the guy he bet with. The guy who he bet with is laughing his head off and says " You looser!!! You just lost 100 bucks on a bet that you could not possibly win!!!" At this the guy responds " I lost to you for 100 bucks, but see that guy sitting over there in the corner? I just bet him 1000 bucks that I could piss in your face and make you laugh!!!!"

herbtree

Posts: 2564

Posted by: herbtree on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 13:54

Quote:

On 09-11-06 18:58 4thseal wrote:
Q: A Mexican and a black guy are in a car. Who's driving?

A: The Police officer

LMFAO

thats some funny shiyate right there.

Q: Why does Noddy have a bell on his hat?

A: Because he's a ****.

adz22 Posts: 271	Posted by: adz22 on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 14:43
	what happend when jesus went to mount olive? Popeye kicked the fuck out of him

SNOWY Posts: 2275	Posted by: SNOWY on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 14:43
	WHATS GOT 6 LEGS AND A TWAT HALF WAY UP ITS BACK A POLICE HORSE. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

izzat Posts: 48	Posted by: izzat on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 14:58
	Two robins were sittin on a tree when they saw a bunch of worms suddenly burst out from the ground. They swooped down and gorge themselves until they were too heavy to fly off. So they lie on the ground helplessly. A wild cat saw the robins and without wastin time, the cat devoured the two robins. While lickin his paws, the cat says "i just love baskin robins'

SNOWY Posts: 2275	Posted by: SNOWY on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 15:05

nyererei Posts: 63	Posted by: nyererei on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 15:12
	when do you know its bedtime in the micheal jackson home? when the big hand touches the little hand.

Shock14 Posts: 4914	Posted by: Shock14 on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 16:27
	ROFLOLMAO!! I HAVE SEEN SOME HILARIOUS COMMENTS My turn. RACIST (BLACK) JOKES Why can't black babies play in the sand? The cats always cover them up. Did you know that more black people are hit by cars in winter? They're easier to see. How do you babysit a black kid? Put velcro on the ceiling and tell him to jump on the bed. How do you babysit a black kid? Wet his lips and stick him on the wall How do you make a black man sink? Pop his lip. ANOTHER JOKE there's a buddhist, a jew and a hindu. Each are standing on the edge of a cliff, claiming their religion is correct. The jew says alright let me prove it, I'll jump off this cliff and begin to recite hebrew verses and I will be safe. The jew jumps off, shuts his eyes and begins to recite some hebrew...only to slam into the ground and die. The buddhist says I am sure my religion is the correct one, I will jump from the cliff and by repeating buddha I will be saved. The buddhist jumps from the cliff and recites buddhabuddhabuddhabuddha, gets about 3 inches from the ground and floats safely. The hindu says Hah, if I jump allah will certainly save me. He jumps off, says praise allah praise allah praise allah oh fuckit buddhabuddhabuddha

SNOWY

Posts: 2275

Posted by: SNOWY on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 16:34

Quote:

THE BEST SO FAR

Funbags Posts: 1039	Posted by: Funbags on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 17:24
	A boy is born with just a head and no body, he grows up with his parents and despite the obvious, has quite a good life. On his 18th b-day, his dad takes him down the pub to buy him his first drink. He says, "barman, give my boy a pint of lager" he pours it down the kids throat and POOF the boy grows a torso, "quick, give him another says dad. So he has another beer and KERPOW, he grows arms and legs. Fantastic says dad, lets celebrate with another beer, so they drink up and the boy drops stone dead. "what happened sobbed dad, what have I done" the barman looks over and says "He should have quit when he was a head"

SNOWY Posts: 2275	Posted by: SNOWY on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 17:30
	^

4thseal Posts: 456	Posted by: 4thseal on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 17:43
	A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!" --------------------------------------------- ----------------------------- Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling??? He doesn't know he's black. --------------------------------------------- ----------------------------- Q: What's faster then a black guy running down the street with your TV? A: His brother behind him with the VCR --------------------------------------------- ----------------------------- Q: How did they invent break dancing? A: Trying to steal the hubcaps off a moving car. --------------------------------------------- ----------------------------- There is this black kid that goes to school and notices that the teachers treat the white kids better than the black kids. So he goes home and paints himself white and shows his dad. Hey dad look im white! His dad kicks his ass, and says alright go show your mother. Hey mom look im white! His mom beats the shit out of him then says go show your gradma. Hey gradma look im white she beats his ass and sends him to his room. About an hour later all the family comes to his room and says have you learned anything from this? The kid says yeah ive learned i have only been white for an hour and I already hate 3 ******s. --------------------------------------------- ----------------------------- please spare me the hateful comments, they're jokes, so laugh. Just like Marco does with mexican jokes.

Shock14 Posts: 4914	Posted by: Shock14 on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 17:55
	what do you say when your tv begins to float in the middle of the night? Drop it, ******. here's my own, it sucks: how do you confuse ray charles? tell him you see skies of green and trees of blue.

4thseal Posts: 456	Posted by: 4thseal on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 17:59
	This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster named Chuck. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Chuck the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Chuck. The farmer takes Chuck home and sets him down in the barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk, "Chuck, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said, with a chuckle. Chuck seemed to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house, and Chuck took off like a shot. WHAM! - Chuck nails every hen in the hen house - three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that the farmer hears a big commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Chuck is in there. Later, the farmer sees Chuck after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again, - WHAM! - He gets all the geese. By sunset he sees Chuck out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught - worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day, to find Chuck dead as a doorknob - stone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh Chuck, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself." Chuck opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, "Shhhh, they're getting closer..."

SNOWY

Posts: 2275

Posted by: SNOWY on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 18:05

Quote:

On 09-11-06 23:43 4thseal wrote:
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right
again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"
--------------------------------------------- -----------------------------

Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling??? He doesn't know he's black.

--------------------------------------------- -----------------------------

Q: What's faster then a black guy running down the street with your TV?
A: His brother behind him with the VCR

--------------------------------------------- -----------------------------
Q: How did they invent break dancing?
A: Trying to steal the hubcaps off a moving car.
--------------------------------------------- -----------------------------
There is this black kid that goes to school and notices that the teachers treat the white kids better than the black kids. So he goes home and paints himself white and shows his dad. Hey dad look im white! His dad kicks his ass, and says alright go show your mother. Hey mom look im white! His mom beats the shit out of him then says go show your gradma. Hey gradma look im white she beats his ass and sends him to his room. About an hour later all the family comes to his room and says have you learned anything from this? The kid says yeah ive learned i have only been white for an hour and I already hate 3 ******s.
--------------------------------------------- -----------------------------

please spare me the hateful comments, they're jokes, so laugh.

Just like Marco does with mexican jokes.

adz22 Posts: 271	Posted by: adz22 on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 19:27
	how do you hide a black man in a coal shed? poke his eyes out and kick his teeth in

izzat Posts: 48	Posted by: izzat on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 19:35
	A pirate walks into a bar with steering wheel stuck to his groin. The barkeep shouted "Hey, u got a steering wheel on ur balls!" Pirate replies "Aaaarrrrrrr its driving me nuts!!"

SimonL Posts: 2525	Posted by: SimonL on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 19:38
	This was forwarded to me today. A man wants to have his penis enlarged so he goes to a specialist who recommends a newprocedure of attaching an elephant trunk to the end of the penis. The man goes for it and has ahumongous penis. One day, while eating dinner at his girlfriends, his penis reaches up from under the table, grabs a bun and slides back down under the table. The girlfriend is amazed. "That's incredible", she says, "Can you do it again?" The man replies, grunt "I'd love to, but I don't think my butt can handle another bun right now".

herbtree Posts: 2564	Posted by: herbtree on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 20:10
	Why is Santa's sack so big? He only comes once a year.

Flakolok..

Posts: 228

Posted by: Flakoloko on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 20:32

Quote:

On 09-11-06 18:49 H_TOWN_MEX wrote:

WHY DOES A MEXICAN EAT TAMALES ON CHRISTMAS...? SO THEY HAVE SOMETHING TO UNWRAP

lolz that 1 was funny.....................whats the difference between a mexican and colombian,us colombians got bricks,mexican works wit bricks

whats the difference between a gangsta and thug,gangstas wear bandanas thugs wear ski mask,y do byrds shyt on pple,cuz they sky pisses on them,lolz let me stop here my joke,WHY DID THE BANANAS SPLIT? CUZ IT WAS SUNDAY

Shock14

Posts: 4914

Posted by: Shock14 on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 21:00

Quote:

On 09-11-06 23:59 4thseal wrote:
This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks.

So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster named Chuck. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem."

Well, Chuck the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Chuck. The farmer takes Chuck home and sets him down in the barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk, "Chuck, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said, with a chuckle.

Chuck seemed to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house, and Chuck took off like a shot. WHAM! - Chuck nails every hen in the hen house - three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that the farmer hears a big commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Chuck is in there. Later, the farmer sees Chuck after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again, - WHAM! - He gets all the geese. By sunset he sees Chuck out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught - worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours.

Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day, to find Chuck dead as a doorknob - stone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh Chuck, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."

Chuck opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, "Shhhh, they're getting closer..."

I've got an old one...

three guys are standing in front of heaven's gate. st. peter comes out and says welcome to heaven, before you enter I'd like to hear from you guys how exactly you died. The first guy says well, I suspected my girlfriend was cheating on me, so one day while she was in the shower I came home from work early and looked for the little bastard she was cheating with everywhere. The closet, the bathroom, the shower that my girlfriend was in, under the bed, everywhere! I went to the balcony to think and I found the creepy fucker hanging off my ledge. I went crazy; I stomped on his fingers and he didn't let go, so I got my hammer and smashed them to a pulp, he still held on! Finally I went inside and pushed the fridge onto him; he fell into the bushes and got smashed by the fridge. I felt so bad for killing him, I shot myself in the head.

The second guy says well, I was working out to an exercise video my cousin sent me on my balcony when I slipped and fell about three stories from my aparment. Thankfully, I grabbed someone else's ledge and held on for my dear life. Next thing I know, some psycho is screaming and stomping on my fingers! I hang on for dear life but finally he pushes a fridge on me, so I fall the rest of the way and then I'm smashed by the fridge.

The third man stares at the ground and says timidly

So I'm standing there...naked...In a fridge..

julyda4t..

Posts: 27

Posted by: julyda4th on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 21:39

Quote:

On 09-11-06 22:27 Shock14 wrote:
ROFLOLMAO!! I HAVE SEEN SOME HILARIOUS COMMENTS

My turn.

RACIST (BLACK) JOKES
Why can't black babies play in the sand?
The cats always cover them up.
Did you know that more black people are hit by cars in winter?
They're easier to see.
How do you babysit a black kid?
Put velcro on the ceiling and tell him to jump on the bed.
How do you babysit a black kid?
Wet his lips and stick him on the wall
How do you make a black man sink?
Pop his lip.

ANOTHER JOKE
there's a buddhist, a jew and a hindu. Each are standing on the edge of a cliff, claiming their religion is correct. The jew says alright let me prove it, I'll jump off this cliff and begin to recite hebrew verses and I will be safe. The jew jumps off, shuts his eyes and begins to recite some hebrew...only to slam into the ground and die. The buddhist says I am sure my religion is the correct one, I will jump from the cliff and by repeating buddha I will be saved. The buddhist jumps from the cliff and recites buddhabuddhabuddhabuddha, gets about 3 inches from the ground and floats safely. The hindu says Hah, if I jump allah will certainly save me. He jumps off, says praise allah praise allah praise allah

oh fuckit buddhabuddhabuddha

DUDE! a hindu saying 'allah'!!!! Simple FYI... its the muslims who say allah... the hindus wuld prolly say shiva/rama.... u just insulted a trillion of those muslims...and shocked maybe just the one hindu on YDM....me!!

chill.... we dont do hate attacks...

Shock14

Posts: 4914

Posted by: Shock14 on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 22:08

Quote:

On 10-11-06 03:39 julyda4th wrote:
[..]

DUDE! a hindu saying 'allah'!!!! Simple FYI... its the muslims who say allah... the hindus wuld prolly say shiva/rama.... u just insulted a trillion of those muslims...and shocked maybe just the one hindu on YDM....me!!

chill.... we dont do hate attacks...

oh shit my bad! I was on the phone and wasn't paying too close attention.

Ydm members don't look at the following! you might not see me as a sour old man

!

I apologize to you hindus, and to you muslims, no hard feelings

robotdro.. Posts: 61	Posted by: robotdropkck on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 22:13
	i've been privy to, way too many comedy lounges in my day, and im kind of burned out on lame jokes, being spitfired. Im sure its halarious... but i can't even bring myself to click on it... and im depressed about frozen waffles... imagine being frozen, then cooked and eaten... jesus...

shcalaps.. Posts: 100	Posted by: shcalapskie on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 22:30
	whats the different between a clever midget and ghonnorea (dont get caught up this is thuh innernet spellin disunt matter) one is a cunning runt... zing zing Zing ZING!!

Shock14

Posts: 4914

Posted by: Shock14 on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 23:00

Quote:

On 10-11-06 04:30 shcalapskie wrote:
whats the different between a clever midget and ghonnorea (dont get caught up this is thuh innernet spellin disunt matter)

one is a cunning runt...

zing zing Zing ZING!!

lol at the zings

julyda4t..

Posts: 27

Posted by: julyda4th on the 09th 2006f Nov @ 23:49

Quote:

On 10-11-06 04:08 Shock14 wrote:
[..]
oh shit my bad! I was on the phone and wasn't paying too close attention.

Ydm members don't look at the following! you might not see me as a sour old man

!

I apologize to you hindus, and to you muslims, no hard feelings

like i said... we'r chill... itz kie...
btw, nice joke

H_TOWN_M.. Posts: 6274	Posted by: H_TOWN_MEX on the 10th 2006f Nov @ 00:28
	THIS WAS THE BEST IDEA EVER SCOTT

SimonL Posts: 2525	Posted by: SimonL on the 10th 2006f Nov @ 01:05
	Hey what about my elephant dick joke? I thought it was funny. Am i alone on this

scottjpw Posts: 775	Posted by: scottjpw on the 10th 2006f Nov @ 06:18
	What's the difference between going down on a woman and a policeman with a speed gun? At least you can see the **** in the bush.

Shock14

Posts: 4914

Posted by: Shock14 on the 10th 2006f Nov @ 08:17

Quote:

On 10-11-06 07:05 SimonL wrote:
Hey what about my elephant dick joke? I thought it was funny.

Am i alone on this

....eh..

herbtree Posts: 2564	Posted by: herbtree on the 10th 2006f Nov @ 08:39
	What do Gareth Gates and Harold Shipman have in common? They both can't finish long sentances.

BigSilky Posts: 1	Posted by: BigSilky on the 10th 2006f Nov @ 10:32
	Paddy is storming down the road right along the white line at 185mph on his brand new motorbike when the inevitable happens and he is pulled over by the fuzz. The copper walks over to Paddy and he asks him "What the fuck are you at, doin 185mph down the white line?" Paddy looks at the pig and says "Sure now doesnt it say that im aloud to do it right here on me driving license" the filth looks at him and says " where on your license does it say you can do 185mph down the white line" and Paddy says "Right here at the bottom, TEAR ALONG DOTTED LINE! Did you hear the one about the man who was caught on speed camera and pulled over for doing 160mph in his BMW. The copper comes up to the window and asks him why he's in such a hurry and the man replies that he's late for work and as it's such an important job he is in a terrible hurry. The cop asks him what his incredibly important job is and is met with the reply that the man is a Arsehole Stretcher. The cop asks what the fuck an arsehole stretcher does and the man explains that he starts out with an ordinary arsehole about half an inch across and first he works in one finger, then two until he fits his whole hand in. Then he starts with the other hand and works in one finger, then two until he has both his hands in the ring. After that he slowly starts to stretch the arsehole until eventually he is left with a bumpiece about 6feet wide. Astounded the cop asks him what the fuck he does with a 6 foot arsehole. The man replies, we hide it behind a bush, give a speed gun and pay it £24,000 a year.

JollyBoy Posts: 77	Posted by: JollyBoy on the 10th 2006f Nov @ 14:09
	WHy did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. What's white and can't climb trees? A fridge. What's blue and smells like yellow paint? Blue paint.

izzat Posts: 48	Posted by: izzat on the 10th 2006f Nov @ 17:11
	This is probably THE BEST JOKE IVE HEARD So here goes: After a terrible shipwreck, joe was force to live alone on a Island in the middle of nowhere. however there are two living creatures besides him, his trusty dog and a wild female pig. After months had passed, Joe's urge started to kick in, he wanted to ** that pig for good. However everytime he wanted to do so, his trusty dog prevented him from getting closer to the pig. The dog would bite his pants and drag him around until he was too tired to move. It happens every time he gets close to the pig. One day another shipwreck occured nearby and Joe swam to the sea to save a beautiful woman from drowning. As he put her on the seashore, the woman said "Thank you my hero,as a reward i would do anything for you. Anything that you could ever imagine" The woman's eyes were gliterring like a damn hooker ready to get it on. and Joe said: "Could you watch that dog for a moment please..." p.s. if ya dont get it, go ** urself

spliff Posts: 13	Posted by: spliff on the 10th 2006f Nov @ 21:15
	Did u hear how the black baby with no legs or arms won the fancy dress compedition? He stuck a string up his arse and went as a conker.

SNOWY

Posts: 2275

Posted by: SNOWY on the 10th 2006f Nov @ 21:22

Quote:

On 10-11-06 01:38 SimonL wrote:
This was forwarded to me today.

A man wants to have his penis enlarged so he goes to a specialist who recommends a newprocedure of attaching an elephant trunk to the end of the penis.
The man goes for it and has ahumongous penis.
One day, while eating dinner at his girlfriends, his penis reaches up from under the table, grabs a bun and slides back down under the table.
The girlfriend is amazed. "That's incredible", she says, "Can you do it again?"
The man replies, *grunt* "I'd love to, but I don't think my butt can handle another bun right now".

LOL

cyclepat..

Posts: 309

Posted by: cyclepath on the 11th 2006f Nov @ 00:07

Quote:

On 09-11-06 21:05 SNOWY wrote:

I notice that you do not understand this joke.....Would you like me to explain it to you, fat boy? I also not